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MATHEMATICIANS hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left.
EXPERIENCED MATHEMATICIANS will attempt to prove the existence of at least one unique elephant before proceeding to step 1 as a subordinate exercise.
PROFESSORS OF MATHEMATICS will prove the existence of at least one unique elephant and then leave the detection and capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for their graduate students.
COMPUTER SCIENTISTS hunt elephants by exercising Algorithm A:
EXPERIENCED COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS modify Algorithm A by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate.
ASSEMBLY LANGUAGE PROGRAMMERS prefer to execute Algorithm A on their hands and knees.
DATABASE ADMINISTRATORS do not need to go out and capture elephants when they can retrieve them simply with an ad hoc query:
SELECT * FROM AFRICAN_CRITTERS
2 WHERE CRITTER_TYPE = 'TERRESTRIAL'
3 AND SIZE = 'LARGE'
4 AND COLOR = 'GRAY'
5 AND TRUNK = 'YES'
6 AND ODOR IS NOT NULL;ENGINEERS hunt elephants by going to Africa, catching gray animals at random, and stopping when any one of them weighs within plus or minus 15 percent of any previously observed elephant.
SYSTEMS INTEGRATION ENGINEERS are not so concerned with hunting elephants as with creating a seamless interface between the elephants and their environment.
ECONOMISTS don't hunt elephants, but they believe that if elephants are paid enough, they will hunt themselves.
STATISTICIANS hunt the first animal they see N times and call it an elephant.
CONSULTANTS don't hunt elephants, and many have never hunted anything at all, but they can be hired by the hour to advise those people who do.
LAWYERS don't hunt elephants, but they do follow the herds around arguing about who owns the droppings.
SOFTWARE LAWYERS will claim that they own an entire herd based on the look and feel of one dropping.
VICE PRESIDENTS OF ENGINEERING, RESEARCH, AND DEVELOPMENT try hard to hunt elephants, but their staffs are designed to prevent it. When the vice president does get to hunt elephants, the staff will try to ensure that all possible elephants are completely prehunted before the vice president sees them. If the vice president does see a non-pre-hunted elephant, (in other words, a live one) the staff will (1) compliment the vice president's keen eyesight and (2) enlarge itself to prevent any recurrence.
SENIOR MANAGERS set broad elephant-hunting policy based on the assumption that elephants are just like field mice, but with deeper voices.
QUALITY ASSURANCE INSPECTORS have never seen elephants, but criticize the way the hunters have packed the jeep.
SALES PEOPLE don't hunt elephants, but spend their time selling elephants that haven't been caught, for delivery two days before the season opens.
HARDWARE SALES PEOPLE catch rabbits, paint them gray, and sell them as desktop elephants.
SOFTWARE SALES PEOPLE explain how the rabbit will evolve into a herd of elephants in future releases.
CHEMISTS recognize the existence of elephants, and can even predict their basic behavior, but believe that the difficulty involved in the synthesis of elephants precludes an adequate supply in our lifetime.
PARTICLE PHYSICISTS do not rule out the existence of elephants, but calculate the probability of such an arrangement of hadrons as less than 1 x 10 ^^ -28. A small, vocal minority are positive of the existence of elephants, but fail to see how we can achieve the energies required to detect such a thing given the current state of art.
COSMOLOGISTS know that elephants probably exists, but lack sufficient resolution to detect them, and are so uncertain of their behavior that they aren't sure they'd recognize them if they could see them.
HIGH SCHOOL TEACHERS acknowledge the presence of elephants, but, having found no reference to them on the TASS test, fail to see the relevance of the question.
PSYCHOLOGISTS are certain that you have seen an elephant, but are divided as to the cause. A double-blind sampling indicated that at 2 sigma 50% believe that the elephant is related to the spanking you received as a 2- year old, while a statistically significant fraction believe that the elephant is related to a dietary deficiency.
THE RELIGIOUS RIGHT has scoured the Bible for references to elephants, and, failing to come up with any, refuse to let you mention them to their children.
FEMINISTS have seen elephants, but believe that the word elephant is sexually discriminatory, since it clearly incorporates the Spanish male pronoun "el", and have proposed that in the future all such animals be referred to as itaphants.
COMMUNISTS have mandated the production of 500 working elephants. However, the plans were drawn up in committee, the parts warehouse was located across the country from the assembly line, and the only transportation system that can move the parts has been reassigned. So far, no working elephants have been made.
LARS doesn't remember requesting elephants, but is certain that if you have seen one around it gotta be a pink one.
